As an anti-clickbait measure, I’ll give you the TL;DR upfront: Accepting that you won’t get things your way will dramatically improve your outlook on life.
However, if you’re interested in knowing what I mean when I say I wake up unhappy every day and—more importantly—discovering the ways I try to combat this mindset, then simply read on to find out.
How’s that for double clickbait?
Why am I waking up unhappy?
Waking up is tough business.
Unless you straddle the fine line between sleeping too little and overdoing the snooze button, there’s always the little tug-of-war involved in leaving a warm bed.
You didn’t get enough sleep. You were having such a nice dream. It’s too dark out. Work can wait. Your mind has so many ways of convincing you to spend another five minutes in bed that I refuse to believe everyone wakes up with a pep in their step 100% of the time.
I, for one, involuntarily drag myself out of bed most days, regardless of how exciting my schedule is. It could be Christmas and I’d still have to convince myself not to go back to sleep.
And get this: I hate it when I oversleep too.
Couple that with the fact that most days involve a huge chunk of tending to responsibilities, and you can see how disgruntled I can be to leave the comfort of my… well… comforter.
But therein lies the very fun paradox of this all. Bliss always comes after pain. Or maybe that’s just me lying to myself.
Regardless, I’ve been recording down the myriad ways I’ve used to psych myself up for the day, and I’m going to start things off with the most important lesson I’ve learned from my daily morning pains, and that’s…
1. Creating a tangible enemy
I love writing and exercise because they’ve taught me so many things about myself. The most important lesson? That I can always find a way to honour the promises I’ve made to myself, no matter what challenges life throws my way.
In fact, it’s when I can’t keep my promises that I get the most benefit from making the attempt.
For instance, I once set out to run every day for a few months, and guess what happened after I made that commitment? It rained. Work got in the way. I drank too much.
The easy thing to do would have been to let external circumstances dictate what I could or could not do. But I ran in the rain. I woke up two hours earlier (4 a.m.) to get my run in. I ran through my hangover.
And you know what happened after that? The normal days became heaven in comparison.
I know this may seem somewhat unhinged, but I like to look at obstacles as actual enemies preventing me from living my best life.
If I were to show up at your door and prevent you from going to work, you wouldn’t think twice before clocking me in my head. Yet we’d allow a little rain to stop us from becoming our best selves. Or a ‘busy’ period to waste another day’s worth of writing.
That’s what I do when I wake up now too. The more I feel like I can’t wake up early, the more I will. Not because I’m a sadist at heart, but because I have an invisible enemy that I’d hate to let win.
2. I scare myself into action
This point goes hand in hand with the weird realisation that I work harder when I’m busy. And the busier I get, the more productive I become.
So every morning, when I’m procrastinating on my novel and putting off my running, I tell myself that I’d be busy for the rest of the day, so I better get my morning routine out of the way before my work starts.
By the power of time scarcity alone, I get so many things done before I head out to the office, and that helps me deal with the initial state of fugue I often find myself in after waking up.
I also like using death as a prime motivator. One day, it’s going to be my turn to pass on, and regardless of what I do today, I’ll never escape my true fate.
So I ask myself: Do I want to end this life not having created what I was meant to? Or do I want to feel comfortable today and regret all the things I never did with all the time I had?
3. I wallow in self-pity
There are days when I just wake up feeling like I’ll never get things done. My deadlines are too tight, there are too many bills to pay, and I’ll have fourteen hours of work ahead of me.
And on those days, I don’t fight it. I just sit on my sofa, try to shake the cobwebs from just waking up, and accept defeat. I tell myself I’ll never attain anything major through my writing, and that I might never, ever reach my life goals.
After about ten minutes of that, I ask myself: Now what?
I have a whole day of doing a task I don’t really want to do. Okay, now what? Do I quit my job so I don’t need to do the things I don’t want to? Or do I try to make the best of it?
I look at the pittance that is my salary (especially after 10 years of being in the industry) and I ask myself the same question. Now what? Do I keep earning this pay well into my late forties? Or do I find ways to upgrade myself?
It’s like that quote ‘Make pain your friend and you’ll never be alone’. Once in a while, I like being with the pain.
But unlike past me, I don’t let the pain become my truth. Instead, I find ways to work with it.
Lastly, if you can do something when things aren’t going your way, then you can probably do it anytime
We’ve already covered this in point #1, but I figured it’s worth repeating. Pushing yourself beyond a ‘balanced lifestyle’ can be worth it sometimes, not because hustle culture is in, but because it helps you appreciate the normal days that much more.
And it’s so easy to see normal days as mundane or boring.
But try running the day after binge drinking, and even the longest runs on a normal day will seem like the easiest thing in the world.
I guess that’s the secret to dealing with a negative outlook. You bully yourself first, so that others can’t.
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Your Friendly Malaysian Writer 
Thank you for this. I followed this blog like years ago when I first started my writing journey. At first for tips and tricks for seo writing in the Malaysian context, now more cuz it’s nice to read from a Malaysian voice in my emails.
I’ve been in a bit of a rut because while I see myself as a quality creative, and so do others, I notice I have trouble getting teammates to get where I’m coming from. But I keep pushing on and finding a middle ground.
Hopefully one day I’d get the hang of it. But in the mean time, thanks for this.
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I agree that death is a powerful motivator. This is a little dark, but in my early days of remission from cancer, I got SO MUCH done because I was convinced that the cancer was about to come back and that I’d die not finishing what I wanted to accomplish. I’ve never written a book so quickly! Now that I’ve been in remission for almost three years, I’m like, meh, I can probably relax a bit more and get it done later. This is good on the one hand, that I’m not feeling needlessly anxious about imminent demise, but it’s also not as helpful for my productivity. I’m working on finding a healthy balance. :D
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Just a question…are you a researcher or something?
I mean…you’re sharing methods and suggestions about something, and it is in a way…similiar with your other posts.
My…me waking up, is neutral…in a sense that,
the first thing I do…is make sure that everything is okay.
Then, I would proceed to looking at what goes on for the day (plans and all).
Unfortunately, if it is a work day for me…I would wake up unhappy, because usually I would be on a morning shift (early morning) and I usually sleep late (it’s my pattern and I have no issue with that).
Wake up unhappy because there is a lot of stuff to do and prepare.
I mean…not yet, but opening shift…a lot of things in my mind (to do).
So, I get restless.
It is similiar if it is a work day for me…but not a morning shift,
I would be in a similiar mood, but not that relaxed…because there is a possibility to get a sudden text, telling me to come in earlier than scheduled.
Only during my holidays, I wake up okay…because I don’t have to be bothered with ‘work stuff’.
It is a thing that I have to get used to, but it makes me to…want to make my holidays count.
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All very good ways of motivating ourselves 🙂..I especially like the asking “now what?” after wallowing in self pity for 10 minutes. I usually wallow for a lot longer! I agree, pushing yourself during the tougher times makes it that much easier when it is not as tough..
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I can’t remember if you have pets. If not, get some. When I oversleep a little or don’t want to get out of a warm bed on a cold winter’s morning, knowing I have little ones who need me to feed them is a big motivator. And as to one of your other points, I think it was FDR who said something like “Only when you’ve been in the deepest valley can you now the joy of the mountaintop.” (Something like that. I’d go look it up in my Quotes Journal, but I’ve got a sleepy cat in my arms.)
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“I like to look at obstacles as actual enemies preventing me from living my best life.”- loved the comparison
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It’s interesting how you’ve found ways to psych yourself up for the day, starting with the idea of creating a tangible enemy. Viewing obstacles as adversaries preventing you from living your best life can be a powerful motivator to overcome them. Additionally, the concept of scaring yourself into action by reminding yourself of time scarcity and the inevitability of death is thought-provoking. It’s inspiring to see how you push yourself to honor the promises you’ve made to yourself, regardless of external circumstances. Thank you for sharing these insights and your personal strategies for dealing with waking up unhappy. As for me, I’m the opposite! I wake up happy and then gradually fall into the arms of unhappiness 😂
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Leaving the comfort of your comforter. Lol. I love your way with words.
True that saying of: you want something done? Give it to a busy person.
Also: start the day by eating your frog. (getting that thing out of the way you don’t want to do.) I can say these things, though not necessarily do these things. :) One foot in front of the other. Keep on, keepin’ on, Stuart!
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Stuart I love it. I actually start the day assuming the absolute worse is going to happen. That when when the planet killing asteroid doesn’t hit I’m think “wow this is a good day.”
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I am laughing because that last point reminds me of a bit my dad used to say. Something about hitting yourself in the head with a hammer because it feels so good when you stop. It sounds idiotic, but I think of it often. The times I go right to work after I get up to an alarm earlier than I’d like make the lazier days so much sweeter.
P.S. I have run with a hangover, and it does poise one to appreciate sobriety, for sure.
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I guess that’s the secret to dealing with a negative outlook. You bully yourself first, so that others can’t. – I started doing that and it really helps, someone laughed at me for being this or that, so i decided to laugh at myself for it alleviating the pressure on them, ha-ha It works! It helps me see myself in a different light, shedding those false identities, totally a great strategy in my book
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As someone who almost always wakes up with a weighty negative mindset, I find this especially interesting. It’s a constant battle for me, as I guess it is for you. But your strategies are so entirely different from mine. I generally plan the night before for the thoughts I need to place in my head first thing in the morning…positive thoughts, of course, things or reasons I should look forward to the day. Sometimes that works, but by and large, the problem just persists. On the other hand, I’ve learned not to place too much credence in my waking mood. With any luck, my mood will improve as I work through the day. Interesting post.
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Well, just last night, I had a nightmare of being back to school (I have a lot of those) where the asshole teacher was insulting me for not accomplishing anything, even though I spoke to him respectfully. That quickly devolved into a fight, where I tortured him with my catch wrestling submissions…
Ahem. I mean to say these dreams torment me, because I have doubts bothering me. And I feel even if I accomplish my goals, they will still haunt me. Therefore, I should not give them too much power.
Go on Stuart, people like me are with you to suffer along.
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I loved your description of the call of the duvet. I think I reset the alarm multiple times this morning because while I had things to do, I knew I had the time before my appointments at 10. I love your idea of making things enemies to be defeated. Maybe it can work 🤔
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Great one Stuart! I think you said it all in the last line – Bully yourself first… From what I read it does seem that you bully yourself into starting your day. Hey, whatever works for you!
I also have difficulty getting out of bed in the morning. Not physically, since the bathroom calls me, but mentally getting my day going can take hours. Fortunately, I can take all the time I need. Usually I have to set an ultimatum for myself. Around my third or fourth coffee I will tell myself “After this coffee, I will start the dishes” or whatever task I choose to start with. It usually works.
Good luck with all your future mornings. Have a great day!
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