success

So I Wore All Black For A Year To Improve My Social Skills

/ Stuart Danker / 38 Comments
Stuart in black tee doing stand-up comedy

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. My pre-all-black days.

I’ve always worn a black T-shirt for as far as I can remember. Scroll back through my Instagram account and you’ll probably catch the rogue grey or white, but I’ve always leaned more toward black clothes.

I have to credit my genesis story to the series Californication. Hank Moody was a true inspiration to the budding writer that was yours truly, and so I adopted the fictional character’s wardrobe, as well as the philosophy of a personal uniform.

But then came the next level—the day I decided to wear all black. Every day.

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This artist is dropping bombs about writing

/ Stuart Danker / 8 Comments

Ideas are about confluence. I believe it’s Neil Gaiman who said that. I can’t come up with quotes like that. That’s because I don’t typically insert ten-dollar words like confluence into my everyday speech.

And that’s despite the fact that I live in Kuala Lumpur (which literally means muddy confluence in Malay), but I digress.

Anyway, in my spare time, I watch sketchbook videos so I can fancy myself an artist. That’s when I came across this talented Singaporean’s video and found myself upon a confluence.

Chroma Moma’s (who shall henceforth be known as CM) thoughts on art mirrored mine on writing, and that was how this post was born.

1. Take charge of your own writing (0:27)

There comes a point in your art when you’ll need to be specific with your progress. Which is why you’ll have to chart out a path like CM did.

In his sketchbook, he laid out goals like ‘study environment’ and ‘film composition’. For you, it might be ‘improve dialogue’ or ‘comedic timing’.

But what exactly should you learn? He answers this well at 5:50, which is to learn everything. Yes, this includes things like fan fiction if that’s your cup of tea. And no, it’s not a cop-out answer.

Because you’ll never know if that knowledge will be useful in your artistic journey until you actually learn it. But so what if it doesn’t? At least you’ll have acquired a new tool in your craft.

For instance, I enjoy sitting at Starbucks and ‘sketching’ with words the scenes I see or hear. Have I benefitted from the practice? I don’t know.

And I’ve yet to find a use for descriptions like ‘brows so prominent they left his eyes permanently in the shade’ or ‘she wore so many bangles that it sounded like she had a dozen belled cats in tow’.

But I guess I just did. See? Confluence.

2. You don’t create good art on your first try (10:40)

I enjoy watching sketchbook videos because I like seeing how artists approach their art.

It’s the equivalent of them solving a math question, with the sketchbook demonstrating the workings they used to get to their end product.

I love it when CM said that the first drawing is never the best-looking drawing. “The idea is to make an ugly drawing to understand what it is you’re looking at, and then later on you can do a better drawing.”

That’s how you should approach writing too. The first draft is never the final product. It is, as Pratchett says, just you telling yourself the story.

3. Push back the fog of war (22:45)

Anyone who adds video game references to their content always gets a plus in my book. And while the arts isn’t a video game you can finish, the thought of pushing back the fog of war is a great analogy to end this piece on.

We each have our own map which we use to inform our art. And every skill we learn uncovers that map just a tiny bit more.

Sometimes, we don’t need to approach the arts with a laundry list of objectives. Sometimes, we can make art with the sole purpose of learning the lay of the land.

Because sometimes, knowing where certain things are on the map is enough. Then the next time you venture out, it won’t feel like uncharted waters anymore.

And who knows? You might even discover a confluence or two.

Sometimes you just have to embrace the chaos

/ Stuart Danker / 10 Comments

My entire life has been based on sweating the details. I’d been a hairdresser, then an auditor, then a writer. And those vocations have been all about that centimetre, that one decimal, that one letter.

So it didn’t come as a surprise that I felt obligated to pursue my hobbies the same way.

That meant sticking to Ryder Carroll’s bullet journal guidelines to a tee. Or picking only one specific word processor to rule them all. Heck, I got into backpacks once because I decided to travel with only one carry-on, no matter the duration or location.

But life is never linear, and the danger of distilling everything to its barest essence is that we end up solving problems that don’t exist.

It’s like that time I got into fountain pens. Suddenly, longhand was a task fit for only one instrument. To hell with gel pens, or pencils, or fineliners. Never mind the fact that I was filling out an immigration card. Or that I was assigned to a rough trip through the forest. When I was into the hobby, it was fountain pens or bust.

Once I got over my elitist tendencies, however, life magically became easier. Because why fret over the pen-ink combo when all I wanted to do was write a grocery list? And why was I spending all my time and money aiming for a grail that didn’t exist?

We’re all different, but if you’re the type who thinks they need rigidity, only to come up with a thousand different ways to be rigid, then perhaps you’re more flexible-prone than you think.

And to you, I say: Learn to let go.

Journal in a notebook, then write your next few entries on your phone. Succumb to your hyper fixation on pencils, then embrace gel pens when you’re ready. Go hard on the weights, then spend months doing nothing but cardio.

Because sometimes we just need to embrace the chaos, so that we can find the stillness within.

Why routines are important

/ Stuart Danker / 8 Comments

Say what you want about the self-help world, but if there’s one thing they got right, it’s morning routines.

You don’t even need to adopt the industry standard habits either. No 4 a.m. wake-up times or cold showers necessary. A walk would suffice. Or a stretch. Even brewing your coffee a certain way counts as a routine, as long as you commit to it daily.

Why are routines important? Because when there is one constant, every other variable in life becomes more noticeable.

We’re human, after all, and we’re all susceptible to the likes of insomnia, illness, or in my case, constantly making vague references to goat sacrifices.

This is where routines come into play. They help ground us. They’re the one thing that binds our days together, regardless of their contents. That’s where we learn how to perform, despite our feelings.

Feeling tired? You do your morning yoga anyway. Sick? You unfurl that mat. Hungover? Do. The. Downward. Dog.

Once your mind learns it’s stronger than your body, once you gain more faith in yourself, you’ll start taking on bigger tasks. And you continue this trend, knowing that you can keep your promises to self, no matter what life throws at you.

There’s no magic in getting up earlier. No secret sauce to meditations. It’s the cumulative effect of showing up every day—get this—regardless of how you feel.

And it all starts with a simple thing like a five-minute stretch every day.

Or a daily goat sacrifice.

Plan to do it again tomorrow

/ Stuart Danker / 13 Comments

You might adopt a diet to lose weight, a workout regimen to get fitter, a writing routine to finish your novel.

But you’ll never attain anything meaningful if your pursuits end after you reach the finish line.

It’s not about reaching your weight goal. It’s about staying there. No point aiming for riches if you’re just going to squander it all the very next day.

Seeking improvement requires ditching the habits that are holding us back. So it makes no sense to return to past habits once you reach your goals.

That means changing your eating habits for a lifetime. Not retiring from your passions. Adopting that new habit f-o-r-e-v-e-r. Don’t look at me like that. It’s not as dramatic as I’m making it seem.

Plus, the good news is that instead of going full-out keto or vegan, you can take it slow. Perhaps you could ditch the fizzy drinks. Or that daily doughnut. That’s not too much to ask. Which improves your chances of building a new life habit.

From now on, before you do something in the name of self-improvement, ask yourself: Will I be able to do this tomorrow? And the day after that? Forever and ever? Amen?

Because you won’t make significant progress through a one-month detox, the same way you won’t turn into an author just by participating in NaNo.