First off, let me start by saying that I haven’t been socialising on WordPress at all. So if I’ve yet to reply to your comment, I’m super sorry. I’ll get around to that, I promise.
It’s just that life has thrown me a new challenge to overcome, and that’s meeting ten to twenty new people a week, not just in a touch-and-go capacity, but to actually hold a conversation for minutes. Minutes!
Of course, as a self-proclaimed introvert, I might as well crawl over broken glass, or worse, have a smudge on my spectacles that I can’t clean for the entire day.
But I knew what I’d signed up for when I accepted the role of deputy editor for a lifestyle magazine. Going to events was part of the deal. We have to represent our magazine, after all.
Which is why for today, I’m going to list the things I’ve learned by stumbling through the foreign art (at least to me) that is socialising.
1. You just need to say hello to make a new friend
I don’t have the gift of the gab, and that’s the reason why I prefer writing. So it’s safe to say that for me, small talk usually becomes no talk in no time.
That’s why I’d sometimes give up and just introduce myself by name before finding something else to do, like filling up my drink or getting some video footage of random b-rolls.
But you know what the funny thing is? In the next event, provided you’re both surrounded by strangers, this new acquaintance automatically becomes your friend!
Because as it turns out, other people enjoy seeing familiar faces too. Who would’ve known?
It’s just like advertising, isn’t it? Because when it comes to making choices in the grocery store, customers are apt to pick brands they’ve heard of over ones they haven’t.
So as long as you don’t straight up commit social crimes, you’ll pretty much end up friends with whoever you’ve had a conversation with, no matter how banal.
That helps me get over the need to have a perfect first impression.
2. It’s only weird if you think it is
I can’t approach random strangers at an event. And I’ll never understand how to insert myself into groups without feeling like a sleazeball trying to score a sales deal.
But just because I can’t do it doesn’t mean other people aren’t chatting strangers up with relative grace. Because get this: they don’t think it’s weird to be social in a social gathering. It’s just me who’s making mountains out of molehills.
If I had to make a writerly comparison, I’d say this line of thinking is easily compared to writer’s block. Meaning it’s all in your head.
After continuous exposure to extroverts who work entire rooms without a problem, I’ve learned that people actually welcome random chats during events. It gives them something to do. And by asking someone about their work, or the weather, you’re actually doing them a service.
So if you’re a professional awkwardist like me, try flipping the script and seeing yourself as the saviour of the bored. It does help.
3. Social media is a great way to network
Or maybe I’ve just been hanging around with too many Gen Zs.
A great way to connect with others—especially if you’re terrible with small talk—is by taking photos or videos of someone in a non-creepy way.
For instance, if I were at a CPR training course, I’d record a fellow attendee learning the ropes on a dummy. Then I’d ask them for their handle so I can tag them in my Insta stories.
Or you could just straight up ask them for their accounts. Most people are liberal with their social media contacts because it makes them feel important. Plus, it’s less of a commitment than giving out their phone number.
Anyhoo, here’s a quick plug for my own Instagram account. There, you’ll get to watch me suffer at social events, even though I try my best to look the most glamorous I can.
4. You have to feel comfortable in your own skin… and clothes
Unless the invitation states ‘formal wear’, I always attend all gatherings in a black tee and pants. This is because I like remembering that I’m a nobody, and if I am to network with others, I better rely on my quick wit and charming smile.
Unfortunately, I don’t have a quick wit or a smile that can move mountains.
Which is why the basic outfit helps me try harder. It’s my own sadistic way of burning the boats, so it’s either sink or swim for me.
I’ve tried wearing blazers and button-up shirts to everyday events, but they make me feel uncomfortable. And I can’t focus on socialising if I’m too busy worrying if the back of my shirt is properly tucked into my pants.
So stay true to who you are. Be the best version of yourself, yes. But don’t try to fit into fashion requirements that don’t complement your personality.
5. Socialising can be fun
I know, right? What kind of blasphemy is this? How can I, a true-blue introvert, say something like this?
But that’s exactly the point. If I, a social caterpillar, can find moments of joy in social events, then you too can do the same. Especially if you’ve been meaning to improve your own social skills but are afraid to do so.
The time will come when you’ll realise how much you’ve grown. For instance, when a room full of strangers no longer bothers you as much. Or when you’ve learned to be okay with fumbling a conversation.
That’s when you’ll feel like you can take on other challenges in life. Because if you can grow in one area, you can do the same in others.
Yes, socialising can be downright intimidating. And you will screw up an interaction or two. But I’ve learned that the bad experiences are the price of admission. There’s no other way to get on the ride of social growth without buying the ticket of unending failures.
I personally started on this journey half a year ago as a socially awkward person. Today? I’m a slightly less socially awkward person.
Sure, that may not be much by normal standards, but for me, I might as well be Jordan Belfort himself.
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Stuart Danker 
I’d love to hear your thoughts!