Should You Pursue Your Dreams?

/ Stuart Danker

I used to talk people out of their dreams. They would tell me about their dreams of doing jiu-jitsu full time, and I would reply with downers like “Who’s gonna pay your cancer bills?”

Quite hypocritical, seeing how I once flew to Thailand to stay and train in a Muay Thai gym for a month. Other random goals include joining a regional MMA competition alone and quitting my cushy job to a write a novel.

But you know what? While those pursuits produced little benefits—book sales were abysmal, for instance—they did change who I was as a person. I would be more proactive, not seeing obstacles as problems. All I needed to do was to get from point A to point B, something I could not do when having to jump through hoops along the chain of authority.

That taught me how dreams didn’t need to be practical. It’s good to know what it’s like to take a chance. And if anything, there is merit to knowing that you’re capable of chasing your dreams.

Why throw caution to the wind

Look, I’ve been through many cycles between ‘dat hustle life’ and ‘just enjoy life, bro’, and they both have their upsides. But I believe that everybody should at least try pursuing their far-fetched goals, especially when they can’t shake it out of their minds.

Because then you learn what true stakes really are. I was a digital marketer once, and I spent thousands of dollars on shitty Facebook ads without a care in the world (it was other people’s money, after all).

But when it came to promoting my own freelance business, let’s just say that I became sooo much more prudent with my ad spend.

We go through life not really caring because what stakes do we hold? That changes when we pursue our passions. We automatically do it with vigour, because it’s something we have full ownership over. And nothing coaxes vigour out of you more than your own brainchild.

Also, you’ll end up among the stars. Let’s not sugarcoat it—your chances of achieving your goals are probably slim, especially those of the far-fetched variety. Like, how many successful novelists are there in the world versus its population of eight billion people? How many of them are Malaysians?

But trying allows you to fail forward. You either learn why you keep failing, or you realise it’s not for you. Either way, you’ll walk away having taken a chance on yourself. Not many people can say that, and personally, I still feel a bit of pride telling people that I joined an MMA competition to pursue my dream.

More interestingly, your failures could open up so many other doors. My novel, for instance, wasn’t successful by any means, but it has since given me so much more credibility for my other pursuits, such as fast-tracking my way into becoming a managing editor for a lifestyle magazine.

You become a better person. I used to hate numbers in school, especially when additional mathematics came into the picture. Why learn algebraic formulas that I wouldn’t use in real life? Why not spend all that time playing video games instead? At least fine motor skills was practical, amirite?

What I didn’t know was that the numbers didn’t matter. It was the problem-solving skills involved. It was interpreting problems, working out the steps, and executing them until you came to a conclusion. It was figuring out where you went wrong and experiencing the eureka moments when a formula finally made sense.

No matter what your dreams are—to learn shorthand, say, or to win a barista championship—you have to put in the work. And that decision to better yourself, to make the time, and to overcome obstacles will serve you well in all your other endeavours.

But enough about glazing on why you should chase your dreams. You probably knew the benefits already. Let’s get on with the message.

Your goals are yours alone

My views on providence and fate stems from an interview I once had with a local celebrity Nadhir Nasar. He said: “If it wasn’t meant for you, you wouldn’t be thinking about it in the first place.”

What a wonderful way to put it. You may have dreams of being a chef, a comedian, or even a professional crocheter. Dreams that you alone, in your unique capacity, can bring to life. And if they weren’t yours, they wouldn’t even have stood out in your mind.

That quote was what solidified my beliefs that greatness happens through us instead of through sheer will. Because when done right, our callings don’t even feel effortful.

We’d be driven forward by an invisible force, through our biggest challenges, and still come out on the other side feeling like we’ve barely begun. Give her the space to appear, and the Muse will take hold of our hands, guiding us into materialising our visions. 

This was why, after that interview, I no longer felt bashful about my authorial dreams. Writing novels was not practical or beneficial in any way, especially within Malaysia’s literary ecosystem. But that idea never wavered, and so I’ve come to accept it as a goal given by the creator, whose name I would insult if I did not at least try.

The weird thing is, the universe rewards me more when I embark on these uncertain paths. Like when I quit my cushy marketing gig at Malaysia Airlines to write my first novel. I was earning more than I should, in a credible national company, and still I wanted to do something stupid like make up a story and turn it into a book.

Yet that’s how I got traditionally published. Sure, I wasn’t a successful novelist by any means, but I had tried, and the universe said yes, keep doing that. Then I found another cushy job.

We’ve been down this road before

I now find myself at a crossroads once more. I have a glamorous job, a decent salary, and a daughter to take care of. But the seed in my mind has grown, and I’m unable to see the forest for the tree (ha).

Let me first state that no children will be endangered in the process of any dream-chasing. My daughter will still have food, education, and a roof over her head. Maybe not as many toys, but she’ll make do.

You might have advice for me just as how I did for the young adults wanting to pursue jiu-jitsu full-time. And you could come up with a compelling argument, but I’ll ask you to hold on to those thoughts.

Because I’m learning how much life you gain by actually living on your own terms. And perhaps, showing up with that spark in your eye would mean so much more than being a zombie, especially around the people you love.

25 thoughts on “Should You Pursue Your Dreams?”

  1. What a great post, Stuart, and very inspiring! I agree that pursuing your dream will never be time wasted, although it can lead to some heartbreak in the process, when it doesn’t work out.
    I also have a very comfortable job currently and dreaming outside of it is not easy when you’ve been very “reasonable” your whole life. Quitting something so comfortable for something unsteady is hard – and as a person with many dreams and wishes, it is hard to find what you really want to do! But having trouble picking a dream is a wonderful privilege in itself 😊

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    • ‘Reasonable’ is so nice to fall back on. It gives you respect, because you’re doing what people say you should. But then again, people who’ve chased ‘unreasonable’ things have also found themselves, so I suspect either way is correct, as long as we’re happy!

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  2. “Fail forward.” I like that. “Professional crocheter.” Chuckle chuckle. :)

    Excellent advice, as always. Insulting the creator to not try–also choice.

    Thanks, Stuart. :)

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      • You’re so sweet, Stuart! My initial launch enthusiasm has waned, but I hope it’ll pick up again when the official release date arrives, Dec. 23. I’ve prepaid for Facebook advertising, so hopefully that will do something for me. (Shrug) Might be time for some goat blood. ;)

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  3. Great post. I laughed out loud at “Who’s gonna pay your cancer bills?” Triple downer, Stuart! Don’t pursue your dreams AND a deadly disease awaits you (that you’ll be too poor to pay for). 😂
    I also loved this: But trying allows you to fail forward. You either learn why you keep failing, or you realise it’s not for you. Either way, you’ll walk away having taken a chance on yourself.
    I love that term: fail forward.

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  5. I agree that we should go after our dreams. It might not always be possible to leave a nice well paid job to do it (and I’m looking at myself now), but giving up it’s for me the same as giving up on myself. Besides, i believe that by following our dreams (even if only on our free time) is a good example for our little ones!

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    • I love how you brought up the little ones. Because I realise I now have an extra reason to put my money where my mouth is. Because I can’t tell my daughter to reach for her dreams if I don’t even try myself.

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  6. I’m a goal chaser, even if some of my ambitions may be far-fetched. I used to live my life cautiously, and it’s not satisfying to live one’s life being fearful of new experiences.

    I’m sure that age plays a role in the change in attitudes. I don’t think much about my mortality, but at 66. I’m on the downside of life. No time to screw around, working up the courage to do something. Even when I don’t meet my goals, I’m happier trying. Much better to live a life with failed attempts rather than to be regretful for not even trying.

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    • I’ve always seen you as someone of industry. Your fitness at 66 speaks for itself. And yes, it’s good to always be reminded of time, no? How nice to be 17 again and waste an entire day drinking or playing games, and not care that I’ve let years slip by. I’m more mindful of that now, though.

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  7. When I was younger, my brother was a comedian. No, not a BIG comedian – not a comedian touring the country (or the world) on his own tour bus and doing gigs wherever he could sell tickets. He was a just-at-school comedian, and a bunch of tables smooshed together in an empty room was his “stage”.

    Thanks to a surprise agency visit, he went on to to become a small-parts actor, increasing his popularity at school. And me? Small and insignificant. Most people didn’t even care to know my name.

    I wanted more. I needed more. I deserved more.

    So I started talking more, I started using my voice. It didn’t matter what on, it just mattered that my voice was heard. I didn’t try to be funny, that was my brother’s gig. People found me funny anyway.

    I never planned to step into blogging about sex and kink, that was suppose to be someone else‘s gig – but my idea, someone else’s project. It was my husband who made me do it, told me I could do it. Me? The girl who nobody knew. Me?

    Well, yeah. Me.

    Was it my dream? Obviously not, but it was my dream to find my voice. No, I’m not rich or famous – if you met me on the street, it would never cross your mind that I’m that lady who teaches people safe kink online. I’m humble and I’m normal. I’m popular, but I’m not famous. Some might say it’s much better that way.

    As for my brother? He still cluthches to the glory days of his past, still believes that he can be famous again. He still tries for comedy, he dreams of the stage. Too bad most of his jokes now fall flat.

    A great post as always Stuart. I hope that wherever life takes you next, it’s every bit a success.

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    • Whoa, thanks so much for being vulnerable with your sharing. Regardless of the difference in your lives, I still feel both you and your brother get credits for chasing your dreams. There are so many people who’ve never even tried, or never dared to. Thanks again for sharing, and wishing you all the best too!

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      • Thankyou Stuart. It is indeed sad when people give up on their dreams. It’s not an attitude that I subscribe to personally, but then I just remind myself that I can’t change them and I have to focus on my own goals. That’s not always easy, but then, life was never meant to be easy!

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  8. Pursuing the dreams is the reason why new things are created. Besides, if you follow that kind of path, you will have interesting stories to tell compare to someone who did not and just remained a cog in the society, serving its purpose and no more than that.

    I’ve come to realize that those stories are a currency on their own in many ways.

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    • That’s what I think too! I’ve done both—following my dreams and being a cog, and it’s the ‘dream’ moments that still give me the most life.

      Also, yes, as a writer, I wonder if I also put myself in more precarious positions just for the plot.

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  9. I enjoyed your article on Nadhir Nasar and always read your posts with pleasure. Your newsletter may have been the one that first opened my eyes to newsletters in general being something to enjoy versus spam mail to toss. There’s something in the air it seems, for I see many creatives emerging with newfound energy to pursue their goal.

    All the best on your endeavor. :)

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