The Lies I Tell Myself So I Can Keep Going

/ Stuart Danker

I don’t want to sound like a broken record, but I’ve been trying to keep my head above water ever since I landed my new job.

And don’t get me wrong, it’s been wonderful not having to worry about the other trivialities of life. And there’s just something about losing time that makes you treasure it more.

Then again, I’m falling back to writing this post an hour before my weekly deadline zooms by, so that’s a problem I’ve been trying to address.

During times like this, though, I’ve found a new way to keep going. Sometimes I rely on sheer willpower to get me through my day. Other times I tap into my refusal of letting the haters win.

Then there’s the middle ground. The part where I conjure beliefs out of nowhere just to catch some wind in my sails. So basically lying to myself.

But hey, whatever works, works, am I right? So here are the lies I tell myself in order to do the things I don’t really want to do.

1. I might need to save someone someday

Okay, maybe this one’s a little extra. Still, you’ll never know when you might need to save someone who’s drowning, or carry an incapacitated person out of a burning building.

Plus, it’s not like I’m training my butt off just to save strangers. I have to take care of my own family too. Maybe I’ll need to rush a sick family member to the hospital. Or protect my children from a burglar.

And I can’t do any of the above if I’m not in decent shape myself.

So when another morning dawns and the last thing I wanna do is put on my trainers, I ask myself if I can live with not being ready for the inevitable. Because I’m not going to magically turn into a hero just because a crisis is abound.

2. I can’t disappoint those who believe in me

This is especially true for writing. I don’t want to put anyone on the spot, but if you’ve been supportive of my blog, then just know that this section is especially for you.

It’s people like you who inspire me through words like ‘you inspire me by continuing to write’. And that’s discounting the fact that you put out twice the amount of words I do.

Yet, because of your support, I somehow find it in me to pull a topic out of my butt and write that thing to completion.

I used to think it was harder to write when no one cared. It’s actually harder now I know that you do. Because now I have someone I can’t let down. So thank you. I think.

3. The pain’s going to come anyway

This is especially true when sticking to early wake-up times. I often wake up early and feel stupid for doing so. Why even torture myself? I can get the same amount of work done if I wake up two hours later.

But since my partner and I have begun trying for a baby, I figured that I start getting used to sleep deprivation. Wouldn’t want to deal with a lack of sleep after the baby arrives. That’d be too much pain to handle at once.

Besides, there are so many other nastier options when it comes to pain. Waking up early pales in comparison to getting cancer, for example.

So whenever I feel like hitting that snooze button, I tell myself that this is a good time to befriend hardship. Whenever I feel like staying on the couch instead of working out, I remind myself how it’s a good thing to get used to the pain now.

Like someone wise once said, “Make pain your friend and you’ll never be alone.”

Someday, I will be called upon to face the harder things, and I can’t expect to do that when I can’t even do the easy things during the easier phases of my life.

4. I need to be the person I respect

If I won’t listen to me, then I can’t expect others to. Having climbed the next rung of my writing career, I’ve learned that excelling in writing isn’t the only thing that matters when climbing the corporate ladder.

Today, I need to socialise, deal with clients, show digital competency, and perform blood sacrifices for the advancement of my career.

And I’m learning pretty quickly that I can’t take orders – at least voluntarily – from slobs who look like they don’t take care of themselves. Likewise, I also can’t expect others to want to listen to me if I don’t even take care of myself.

So for me, the only way to lead is by example.

Do I want to take the easy way out sometimes? Sure. But would I fall in line with that cowardly me? You be the judge.

5. I will write a bestseller someday

And finally, we come to the biggest lie I’ve had to repeat many a time. Mainly because there’s hardly any money when it comes to writing fiction in Malaysia. And also because we don’t really have a burgeoning literary scene.

But I’d doubted myself throughout my entire manuscript, and still I managed to get published. So it only makes sense that I keep lying to myself, because who knows what’ll happen?

This is the lie that keeps me focused on my goal. Without this, I’d so easily give up because otherwise it feels like I’m just playing at make-believe.

Plus, it’s pretty cool to get to say “I’m writing a novel.”

Whatever works, works

You know how placebos aren’t really placebos if they produce their intended effect? That’s this technique in a nutshell. Sometimes, you just gotta pick yourself up by your bootstraps and become your own cheerleader.

Sure, I may feel like a phoney sometimes, and in other situations, tapping into anger works a whole lot better than trying to maintain a level head.

But for the most part, I’ve learned that it doesn’t really matter what I do, as long as I get myself to do what I need to.

Which is why I’m turning the question back to you now. How do you get yourself to do the work? When all else fails but you still need to go on, what do you do? I’m curious to know.

In the meantime, I’m going to quickly hit Publish now because it’s almost midnight and I don’t want to disappoint you by missing a Tuesday post.

Be a part of my newsletter for more content like this (that you won’t get elsewhere on the site). Also includes a free guide on how to grow your blog through the art of commenting.

Join the community

65 thoughts on “The Lies I Tell Myself So I Can Keep Going”

  1. transitions are tough so be easy on yourself. Take me for example. I just came home from vacation and now I’m spinning to play catch up. I rested and worked out so much decompressing that I now realize how how tired I am and my bodies jacked. I wish i had more answers now but i feel like the tin man dragging my ass to my clients in pain with a ton to get my “best seller” out in the bookstores that are over saturated … Great.. lol. learning takes time and the clock ticks and calls.
    BTW did you buy my book yet Stu? Yes, this is an ask and if you can by chance share it with your fans, I’d be more that grateful.
    This could save a lot of my promo books going to the land fill from bookstores that won’t accept them… 😂 Always love your posts… good luck with the new job! ❤️

    Like

    Reply

    • I haven’t, but I guess it’s now time to buy a new book! It’s interesting how your vacation jacked up your body more than gave it a rest, lol. I guess that speaks a lot about how you’re geared for productivity, lol. But yeah, getting going after you’ve taken some time off is a little hard, for sure. Here’s to getting back on track!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • Oh that would be awesome Stuart! I’d be so honored for you to read it and hear what you think! I think I’m dealing with some heredity issues along with my body story emotions woth the up coming babies (pelvis area/ womb). And then yes the balance between working it and being gentle and stretching is a fine balancing act… Thanks so much!!!
        💕

        Like

  2. I’m dealing with my third injury in a short period of time. It’s gotten way beyond ridiculous, so your point about pain resonated with me. When you mentioned cancer, I remembered that I once thought, “This is building up my pain tolerance in case I get cancer some day.” Ha! So, maybe 20 years from now I’ll look back on Now Betsy and think, “She called it!”

    Also, trying for a baby?! Awesome!!! You’ll be a stupendous dad!

    P.S. I know I’ve been rubbish about keeping up over here. To be fair though, I’ve been rubbish at keeping up with my own blog, so, you know, you’re not alone in being neglected. :)

    Like

    Reply

    • Okay I’m starting to find this spate of injuries a bit on the comical side now too. It’s like you’re Mr. Glass in that movie (I forget, the Bruce Willis one).

      And no worries about the keeping up thing. I haven’t been doing so hot myself, lol. Phases, eh?

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • I think that third injury was a warning to take it easy in taekwondo for a while, especially since I’m going on a trip next week. It wasn’t so much an injury as just… hurting myself more? It was better after a couple of days. I’m just glad it happened then, rather than closer to the trip. Because of it, I realized I shouldn’t do TKD again until AFTER my trip. Could’ve been a blessing in disguise.

        Phases, indeed. :/

        Like

  4. I set deadlines for myself and give myself little “rewards”– I finished my gardening for the day, so now I deserve that second cup of coffee, for example. :D I can attest to the sleep deprivation from children. Our 3-year-old still wakes up at 5am, just to check on us, I guess? Hah! You’ll be an awesome dad with all of your motivating words.

    Like

    Reply

    • I love reasonable rewards. It makes me feel like I’m splurging without really doing so. Sometimes I wonder if a bit of sacrifice makes these rewards even more meaningful. Like the time I tried giving up coffee, one cup meant the world to me. Whereas when I was drinking willy-nilly, even my fifth cup didn’t bring me any joy. Interesting how you sent me down this train of thought with your comment. Thanks so much for the reflection, Sarah!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • It does make it more special when there is sacrifice involved! I recently had a medical procedure where I couldn’t eat for over 24 hours; that first meal afterwards was extra special 😁

        Like

  5. Aah the lies we tell ourselves. But if not for these lies, we wouldn’t do anything at all, would we? The best thing about lies like these are that we are willing to take the pains to make them true. And I know that because of these lies you’ve already published a book! Who knows, one day the bestseller dream will not be a lie anymore but the truth! Here’s to working hard :)

    Like

    Reply

    • Was just exploring this thought that placebos aren’t really placebos if they work after all, lol. Maybe it’s a fake it till you make it scenario. Here’s to hoping I do write a bestseller soon. Gotta admit that the words haven’t been flowing easily these days though.

      Thanks so much for your kind words! You know I appreciate you :)

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

    • Oh wow. That’s such a kind thing for you to say. I guess I can’t rest on my laurels now (even though that’s the first thing I wish to do every day, lol). So thank you for helping me overcome my own laziness too!

      Like

      Reply

  8. Hi Stuart! Long time.

    Your blog post came at the right time and I found some of the points so relatable to me. This is regarding my journey to have a driving license, by the way.

    Point number 1 reminds me that by having a car license, I might be able to help my family just in case there is an emergency.
    Point number 2 reminds me of you actually, who kindly encouraged me to take that action.
    And point number 4, since having a car license is one of my goals this year, I need to prove to myself that I can achieve it and gain my own respect.

    So, after months delaying, I finally registered to that driving class! And you are the second person I’m excited to tell about it 😄
    The theory class or I think it’s called “kelas undang-undang” starts on 15th June. So I have to be ready!

    Do pray for me so that everything will go smoothly. Thank you for your support all this while, Stuart! 😊

    Like

    Reply

    • Lovely! I’ve been rooting for you since you first told me about it, so I guess I’ll wish you luck on the 15th. It’s been so long since I sat for undang, I wonder if the syllabus is totally different now.

      And yes, it’s hard to survive in Malaysia without our own transport, especially for independence. This is because a huge chunk of the cities are still unconnected by public transport. Anyhoo, I’m glad you visited again!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  9. Love your post and I think you are going to be a great dad, who are really caring about the family and the baby. And yes, you will write a best seller (or two or three best sellers), and influence many of your fans,

    Like

    Reply

  11. How do I get myself to do the work?

    I work out and eat just right to produce better or more creative work during that day.

    I keep a number of inspirational writers, like you, in my inbox.

    I plan my breaks from the work so I’ll work harder to be prepared for that break. And when I come back, all will be well. This week, I’m returning to my book and blog after a two-month break. All is well.

    Lastly, I know that all people need breaks. If I don’t see them in my inbox for a time, I know all will be good.

    Take care.

    Like

    Reply

    • Wow, that was a comment with a beginning, middle, and end, just like a story. Love it! Also, I really appreciate that compliment you slotted in there.

      Working out and eating well are major factors, aren’t they? Add in good sleep and we’ll have very little else we need in life, diseases aside.

      Love your thoughts. Thanks for sharing, Vicki!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  12. I think you are amazing for thinking so much about your readers. Also, I told you before that your writing voice is so inspiring to me, and a standard for good writing. I keep visiting WordPress especially to read your blog posts. Hope to read your posts for a veeeery long time. Take care :)

    Like

    Reply

    • It’s comments like yours that keep me going whenever I feel like this blogging thing is pointless. You really do have the power to change someone’s day, from all the way across the world too. Thanks so much for your kind words!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  13. You’re welcome. ;)
    Maybe I’ve said this in a different comment, but the thing I find myself saying lately when I workout is “Fountain of youth, baby. Fountain of youth.”
    And as for the bestseller, keep it up because as they say, “You can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket.”

    Like

    Reply

    • I was just thinking the exact same thing today! Well, maybe not about lotteries, specifically. But I was pondering how ALL the bestsellers had one thing in common: they had a book to pitch. So yeah, what a timely comment!

      Like

      Reply

  14. Way to go Stu! Even with so little time, you’re still (in your own words) “pulling it out of your butt”, these great posts that inspire the rest of us to keep on writing too! You ask us where we find out mojos? Well for me, it’s coming to your site week after week to remind me that I too must hit my own weekly targets come rain or shine. Thanks pal for not letting us, and more importantly, yourself down. Pls know by now (if you’re still in doubt) that you’ve got firm fans like me in your corner. Always! And now, as my writing coach used to say, onward!!

    Like

    Reply

    • Ha. You’re one of the people on here who maintain a busier blogging schedule, so it’s me who should pull my inspiration from you!

      Always grateful for your support!

      Anyhoo, I was in ION Orchard last week on assignment, and would’ve hit you up if the itinerary wasn’t so packed. Next round perhaps!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

      • What!! How could you not squeeze me into your schedule man?! I’m so hurt. Okay, you promised. Next round alright? Anyway I’m always a fan of your posts bro so no worries. Just keep blogging ya hear?!

        Like

  16. So simple and realistic. Same stuff I go through but the part that people relies on you, knows you are writing, makes me go on. Thanks for putting these thoughts in my head into words.

    Like

    Reply

  18. I usually remind myself that I’ll be glad I did when it’s done. It usually works.

    As for the sleep deprivation…if you are successful in having a baby (and I hope you are), you will be glad you trained yourself. My older daughter will be 23 later this month, and is still causing me sleepless nights. You can’t turn off the parent gene, no matter how hard you try. But it’s worth it.

    Like

    Reply

    • Haha, and here I thought I’d be having sleep problems just two years into parenthood. I guess I better steel myself for a lifetime of it :P

      For me, that idea of having done things doesn’t seem to get me off my butt. And since we’re on this subject, I feel that fear nudges me into action more than inspiration. Weird.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  19. You can call them lies, but I prefer to simply call them goals. Realistically, I know I will achieve some and fall short on others. That’s life. We’re not failures if we don’t attain them. Think of those who can’t summon the courage to go for it. Not sure how familiar you are with the sport of baseball in Malaysia, (it’s not a sport I watch much), but I do like the analogy of “going down swinging” instead of “taking strike three and never getting the bat off my shoulder.”

    Like

    Reply

    • Baseball is super unpopular here in Malaysia, but I like the term ‘going down swinging’, because it does apply—quite literally—in combat sports as well. And that’s pretty big here.

      In a similar vein, I always believe that action trumps thinking, so whenever I’m in doubt, I just do something. Anything.

      Thanks for this lovely train of thought, Pete!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  20. “How do you get yourself to do the work? When all else fails but you still need to go on, what do you do?”

    I trick myself by saying “OK, at least do X tiny first step, and then see what happens next”, like opening the thing I should be working on, or sitting on my meditation cushion. Then once I’m in position, I kinda just get going, even if it’s not for very long. And that’s OK. Maintaining that tiny habit is what’s crucial, rather than letting it die altogether.

    I also often make a cup of tea. I can do almost anything if I make myself a cuppa to have while I do it

    Like

    Reply

    • I love it. I’ve seen your method used by Navy SEALs, and they call it micro goals. When you’re tired, afraid, or just frazzled, finding one micro goal and acting on it—then another, and another—seems to be the way to go. I might just try that. Thanks for this inspiration!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  21. When I find myself resisting doing something I have to do, I always find it helpful to remind myself that my biggest inspiration for discipline and working hard growing up was my parents so I want to be that inspiration for my daughters. Usually helps give me the kick in the pants that I need. So excited for you to start the parenting journey!

    Like

    Reply

    • It’s always interesting how motivation becomes less of a problem when we’re doing it for others, isn’t it? Even imaginary people (like the aforementioned drowning victims) do it for me. I won’t do anything remotely beneficial if it was just for me. Weird.

      Thanks for your well wishes, btw!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  23. I don’t think there’s any money in writing fiction anywhere. Those who are making money from are extremely lucky. I don’t say this because I am jealous of them, I am saying this because that is how the things are.

    For me, the motivation to exercise is simple. I don’t want to be weak when I get old. That is it. If exercising is going to keep me moving under my own power as long as it can, then I’ll happily run, do yoga, lift weights, and do body weight exercises, the pain be damned.

    Like

    Reply

    • I think Peter Attia said it best. If you can get up off the floor, pick up a small child, and get out of a pool without a ladder in your old age, then you’re pretty well off. Just need to start now to make sure we can do that in our golden years.

      And yeah, gotta agree with you on that writing bit. Even in my non-fiction day job I still earn peanuts compared to other vocations, lol.

      Like

      Reply

  24. One thing just got highlighted for me. You don’t need to sleep deprive yourself before the baby is born and get yourself trained. Parenting comes naturally for everyone😊. In fact as a special need kid’s Mom I have had years of sleepless nights and I didn’t get any training for it. It came naturally 😇😂. I have been doing this for nearly 25 years now!!!So enjoy this time and do not sweat over it!

    Like

    Reply

    • Hahaha I guess I’m over-preparing huh. I do hope it comes naturally for me, because it seems like whatever I do, I’ll never be fully prepared. I’m going to take your 25-year experience as assurance though. Thanks for the well wishes!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  25. Still, you’ll never know when you might need to save someone who’s drowning, or carry an incapacitated person out of a burning building.

    I can’t speak for everyone here, but I’ve done both of these things. It was my job for 22 years, after all.

    However, some of the more interesting people I’ve known in my life didn’t know what they wanted to do with their life after high school, or after they graduated college. The absolute most interesting people I’ve known in my life are those who never knew what they wanted to do with their life.

    I like to think that I’m one of those so-called multipotentialite folks who excels at various things that are totally unrelated and that few people give much attention to. Perhaps you too are beginning to experience the same conundrum of working a regular job when there are so many unfulfilled dreams and aspirations and things that you still want to do with your life.

    I’d love to hear your thoughts and your opinions.

    Like

    Reply

    • Yeah, it is a conundrum indeed. Mostly because I still need to earn a living, while also trying to reserve some energy to chase my own goals (which, let’s face it, can be pretty taxing even on the days when we don’t have much to do). Which is why sometimes I have to rely on the ‘why’ instead of the goal itself.

      And it’s great that you have that experience—and I’m assuming discipline from 22 years of service—of ‘being ready’. It does give me a push for the dreary days. Because at the very least, I could offer myself physically to those in need. Maybe. And that helps loads with my motivation.

      Thanks as always for stopping by!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  26. I think discipline is underrated. Whatever you need to do – and how you get it done is so personal!

    I’m in the middle of a large software implementation and I’m finding that the stress from that role has kept me from taking care of myself and working towards my dreams.

    Thanks for this inspiration!

    Like

    Reply

    • Spot on with discipline! I often am on the opposite end of the ‘self care’ movement of pampering yourself and listening to your heart. For me, I need routines to do my best work, and routines only work when I do them regardless of how I feel.

      But then again, I can be a slob, so it’s a constant battle trying to uphold that pursuit.

      Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts!

      Like

      Reply

  27. Hey Stuart,
    I don’t know about everyone else, but for me personally…I cannot get enough sacrificial goat references.

    Just keep doing whatever The Master requires to keep those writing juices flowing. That’s what I always say.

    Have a great week, man =)

    Like

    Reply

    • Glad to see another connoisseur of the goat sacrifices! Am getting hungry from mutton talking about it though. I really appreciate you being part of the inside joke gang, Chris!

      Like

      Reply

  28. You need those work experiences to give you something to write about.
    (The bad news… there isn’t much money in writing anywhere in the world unless you’re one of a handful of international big sellers.)

    Like

    Reply

I'd love to hear your thoughts!