You Will Never Be Enough

/ Stuart Danker

All your life you’ve been told you’re not enough. You’re too soft. Too short. Too broke.

And you believe it too, because people like David Chappelle, Barack Obama, and Muhammad Ali exist, people who would dance circles (quite literally in Ali’s case) around their problems. You’ll never be like them. Those people are special.

Yet, you try. You join the Toastmasters Club. You read How To Win Friends And Influence People. You even join the service industry, thinking it’ll help you with your social skills, but the only thing you learn from that stint is how to cut hair.

Year after year, you find yourself banging against an invisible wall. You apply techniques you see on YouTube or hacks you read online, yet it feels like you’re going against your very own nature every time you try to fake it till you make it.

Soon, you resort to cliches. Every time management chides you for being too much in your shell, you reply with that adage about not judging a fish on its ability to ride a bike. Still, somewhere in a corner of your mind, you wish you were simply… better.

You wish you could walk into a room and be noticed. You wish you handle being noticed. Also, you fantasise about how much easier your life would be if you could just handle a little more confrontation, like telling somebody that the line is behind you, or that you don’t appreciate them speaking over you.

But that’s simply not your nature, so you simply accept your fate. You botch a social interaction. And another. And another.

And another.

You compliment somebody on their hair, and you wonder if it sounded more like a backhand remark. That shit keeps you up at night—for weeks in a row.

A hotel receptionist tells you to enjoy your holiday and you reply with “You too”. That happened two years ago, and you still make weird noises to cope with the cringe.

You’re so vigilant about cues of boredom that you’d do anything not to see another long exhale, foot tap, or glazed stare. You’re not sure if you’re overly paranoid or if the person you’re with breathes a sigh of relief whenever a mutual friend joins in.

This is what you think of yourself, but you’ve forgotten one thing.

You’ve forgotten that you have good friends. Great people you’ve met in life. People you forward memes to, complain to, or go out for drinks with.

People who were once strangers, who’d also witnessed your bumbling version of small talk. People who noticed how quiet you were at dinner, or how shifty-eyed you were every time you spoke.

That didn’t stop you from becoming friends. Some of them end up being your closest confidants. Others end up sharing umbrellas with you on a rainy day. Every time you recall the fond memories you’ve built with someone, you get a sense of peace with who you are. Because it was every side of you—awkward or not—that played a role in forging this bond.

Yes, you might not be David Chappelle, Barack Obama, or Muhammad Ali. But you’re you. And nobody can ever emulate that. Because you? You are enough.

21 thoughts on “You Will Never Be Enough”

  2. How is it that every time I read your posts, I feel like you’ve peeked into my psyche and somehow figured out my innermost thoughts and feelings? I felt like I really needed to read this post, as I’m constantly doubting myself and failing at being exceptional.. thanks again for this kind and funny post!

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  4. Yay. I’m so glad this took a happy turn. And I’ll bet that hotel receptionist got “You too” a lot. I think we’ve all said that to people when it didn’t make sense. I know I have. Just the other week, someone in the class ahead of mine, said, “Have a good class on her way to the door.” I said, “Thanks, you too,” as she was leaving. Whatever. I have learned to laugh or shrug it off.

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  5. I know what you mean about social gaffs. BUT you don’t need to be anyone but you. In fact there’s no one else like you. Didn’t Dr Zeus say that? And isn’t that what makes the world so interesting, the fact that we’re all so different. You and I and ALL of us ARE enough. 😊

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  6. This way of thinking has been quite prevalent ever since the rise of social media. People always share their success, not their failures.

    Having said that, even I try to compare myself to some people. But unfortunately, I am not a natural genius like Linus Torvalds or Donald Knuth. I am not a good writer like Will Wight. The only thing I have is the constant attempt to improve myself and level up, because the alternative of giving up and just stay where I am is not acceptable to me.

    I did write about the book “How to Win Friends, Influence People”. I suppose it might offer some good advice to some people, but honestly, if you follow that book by the letter, then I really don’t want to do anything with you.

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    • Regarding your last paragraph about Dale Carnegie’s book, I feel the same about 48 Laws Of Power. It used to take the world by storm, but when you actually look at the advice and the author, a lot of the book’s authority just falls down the drain. Here’s to being enough through our own eyes!

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  7. I know I will never be enough, I was born knowing that. My mom would always repeat this to me, every success is just okay, every failure is the end of the world. And by the age of 42 I know, I will never be enough for my mom. But it’s not the point, the point is to breathe life into your awkward everyday interactions and feel good about it. I don’t know if that always works but I will keep trying, because you know what, my mom is not watching me so she would not know if I mess it up again. I will have to forgive myself and try again. I know that maybe my gran is watching so she would definitely approve, she always did when she was with us. I will keep thinking about her approval instead.

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  8. This is brilliant, Stuart. It took me many years to learn those lessons and stop comparing myself to others. When I finally did it, it was freeing.

    As I told my girls growing up, there will always be someone richer, thinner, skinnier, smarter, or with a better car, newer phone, or bigger house. None of that matters. You are enough. You have enough.

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