All I Can Do Is Live Life Three Minutes At A Time

/ Stuart Danker

There was a time when I wrote depressing stuff like this on the regular, much to the dismay of the people around me.

A downer, they called me. As if I’d forced them to live with my angst. They also threw out other adjectives like cringe, annoying, and lame.

Perhaps my biggest crime wasn’t the cringe or the regular servings of depresso. Perhaps it was taking their words to heart and not writing anything negative for years after that.

But I’m only human, and I, too have my demons to face. Despite running five kilometres every day, I still wish I could get blackout drunk from time to time. I am a father, but I wish I could be the child sometimes. And despite calling myself a writer, I can’t tell you when I’ve last written… or even read seriously.

So here I am, reacquainting with Mister Impending Doom, a visitor that likes to bring his friends like Miss Jittery Heart and Shortness Of Breath. Visitors I’ve stopped mentioning because heaven forbid I pull someone down with me.

Interestingly enough, my lessons learned would come in the form of watching other people’s art. There I was, listening to The Insomniacks perform live—one band out of what, 100,000 others?—who sang with so much sincerity that I was enraptured by one song in its entirety.

And before I knew it, three minutes had passed me by. Three minutes of forgetting about Impending Doom and his friends. Three minutes of not hurting. Three minutes that taught me the exact reason why I should share my art.

Because we may not be the best at what we do. We might not even amount to anything à la Vincent Van Gogh (while we’re alive, at least). But there could be that one person looking for a respite from their pain, their three minutes of escape that only you can provide.

And what is cringe, anyway? You could be cringe to someone yet a kindred spirit to another. Heck, you could be cringe to the same person in different points in their lives. But you could also be the reason why a jaded writer would try picking up the pen again. And it would be selfish not to share that beauty with the world.

So this is me trying again. Trying to pay my three minutes forward. And wouldn’t you know it, the thirty minutes it took me to draft this story ended up being another sanctuary from my pain.

But this is a cringe ending if I’ve ever written one.

31 thoughts on “All I Can Do Is Live Life Three Minutes At A Time”

  2. Hi Stuart Happy CNY!! Now that my daughters are grownups I have more time to read and dabble in writing but I am far from reaching my reading goals and certainly not my writing goals. For 2-3 months since I caught up with a couple of my varsity friends who are into doing connections and wordle every morning, I have incorporated these games into my daily rituals. I’m beginning to think that I’m looking for distractions to derail myself. Thanks for your post, it is a reminder that I have to just scribble whatever comes to mind. Enjoy your moments with your daughter. I often find that I learn from my girls and not vice versa.I reread the novella ( a friend said it is more of a short story only 47 pages ) by Claire Keegan, entitled So Late in the Day and decided to name my latest post Not late in the day. Keep writing. Cheers LH

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    • Happy CNY (Chap Goh Meh soon) and it really is great seeing you here again. I’m still learning to take care of a child, so I guess the wiser lessons will come later, lol. I’ve started carrying a small notebook around because I, too, am feeling the need to scribble in spurts. Great to reconnect!

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  5. I love reading what you write, Stuart. The world expects us to be upbeat and positive all the time, but that’s just not life. I think you should write what you feel and let the real you shine through.

    P.S. One day your daughter will be grown up, and you’ll have all kinds of time on your hands. You’ll miss these days, I promise.

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    • Love the encouragement. And yeah, so many of the artists I admire (like Sylvia Plath or Frida Kahlo) used pain as fuel for their art, so why try to censor for aesthetic purposes amirite? Looking forward to the less hectic days of not being at the beck and call of another human being, that’s for sure!

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  6. My servings of depresso never seemed to be set free from my own journal, but now I see that keeping that to myself is part of the social media problem today. It’s not balanced if all readers see is happy shit.

    I’m out of state visiting my elderly parents: my excuse not to write this week. I haven’t written much since Hurricane Helene ravaged my area of western NC with landslides, floods, and tree damage. Entire towns either gone or completely cut off by roads washed away. Last night I set my alarm to get up early and write SOMETHING. Thank you for that Stuart. 💜

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  7. “regular servings of depresso.” Awesome line!

    It took you 30 minutes to write. I wonder if it was a three-minute read. Too bad I didn’t time it. But the point is, wasn’t thinking about anything else while I read that. Like how tired I am and that I have a headache. Apparently, crafting a response to your post doesn’t keep those demons at bay. :)

    Keep on, keeping on, Stuart. I’m guessing you’re a melancholic personality type of the four classic Greek types, like I am. It’s rough going at times. Those out-going, happy-go-lucky, glass-half-full types have it easy! (Though I imagine they have their own sh*t to deal with in some way.)

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      • I understand that. I tested as a melancholic, but I certainly have my positive, happy moments.

        Like when I make my Jiu-Jitsu instructor tap. Heh heh. ;)

        You not constantly blowing sunshine on your blog shows that you’re keeping it real and that you’re relatable. We all have our ups and downs.

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  8. Better the thirty minutes of writing instead of filming a thirty seconds of reel. Video might dominate today, and short videos even more. But writing is that craft which is above them all. That is what I have realized since starting my blog. This is what keeps me coming back again and again, apart from the clarity of the thought it provides.

    Let others call you cringe or whatever else they want to call you. Unless they write down something true, which is not dictated by the search engines or trendy topics, they have no write to tell that your writing is cringe or that you are bringing the mood down.

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    • I used to write for myself and enjoyed the entire process despite not having an audience. Ever since I’ve started writing for money, my entire perspective has changed. Perhaps it’s time to return to that mode somehow?

      Anyway, it’s awesome that you’re still on the blogosphere! Now there’s some semblance to the good old days with you around.

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  9. A lot of my past writing is depressing as shit, too, but it’s honest. And one of the reasons I shared it (besides just needing an outlet) was that I hoped there were other people out there feeling as morose I was who needed to know they weren’t alone in this world of annoyingly relentless upbeat-ness. For every person who publicly declared your stuff “cringe,” there are eight more who were saved by it, even for just three minutes. Often, those people don’t comment. So keep on keeping it real. Learning to be a parent is so hard and so wonderful, all at once.

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  10. Hi Stuart! Long time 😊
    I hope you are doing great. Yes, there will always be uphill and downhill battles in life. But what matters most is how you bounce back and keep trusting for the better. That’s what I learned from you anyway and I think you are still a great writer!
    All the best in everything you do 🤍

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  12. You always have something relevant to say, Stuart. I’ve never thought of your writing as being a downer. What you do well is to let others inside your soul. The one quality that always helps us to connect with others is when we show our vulnerabilities.

    I hope you are enjoying being a father. I imagine that your child is still under a year old, but that’s just my educated guess. My wife and I are first-time grandparents. We’ll see eight-month-old Jack in a month.

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    • Close! My daughter is some 15 months old now, and I can’t believe how fast the time is passing. It felt like she was born just yesterday (no hyperbole).

      And can I also say that your comment is a masterclass of insight and encouragement at the same time? Thanks for always being here, Pete!

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  13. I wrote something similar yesterday. We creatives seem to think up is the only way to be. It’s more tidal than that. We feel things more and the highs are higher and the lows… mirrors of the high but at low tide. I’m sorry people have criticized your angst endings. A pox on their goats. It was so good to hear your voice today and I’m glad you took the time to write. We need your words. Your dark is just as welcome here as your light. I grew up in a house where only good feelings were allowed to be expressed and we had to keep a happy smile on our faces. No gloom was allowed. Not a healthy way to live. Angst on. I find each word I bother to write brings me more light. Again, so good to hear your voice.

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    • I think it’s a responsibility for grownups in general and not just for the creatives. I myself find solace in others’ misery, but only when I’m in the same frequency. It’s like listening to sad songs when you’re down. If nobody made sad songs, where am I going to get my escape?

      Great to see you here even after all these years too. Also, I’ve lost the constitution for reading, but your latest post did get me hooked.

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  15. Thank you for sharing this. Being a parent, having a corporate job, and still pursuing other goals, can sometimes be a challenge. I keep thinking that it will get better. The reminder that we can be a whiff of fresh air to some one is what keeps me going.

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