I’ve taken to asking myself why I do things recently, and actually taking the time to scrutinise my actions.

Like browsing the Search tab on Instagram all day. Why? Is it because I just want to kill time? Why that app, specifically? And why the Search tab?

Turns out, it’s because of my self-improvement tendencies. I’m the type of person who thinks consuming inspirational content will help me land that promotion at work. As if watching videos alone will bestow me with the hidden kung-fu skills of life.

I do the same whenever I spend a single dollar. Why did I buy that T-shirt? And why that store? Is it because I associate the brand with coolness? Do I like the material? Or do I just not want to be naked?

Asking yourself why will uncover so many truths. Or at the very least, it’ll stop you from functioning on autopilot all day.

It’s something I’ve innately done for writing. In the spirit of improving my craft, I’ve always asked myself why I’m drawn towards a particular story.

Stephen King said that you should first get swept off your feet by somebody’s writing before you can strive to do the same with yours (I paraphrase). And finding ways to get swept is exactly what I’m doing.

Here are the whys I’ve discovered in the process.

1. To spy on the competitors

This is a misnomer, really, because I can’t compete with others if I’m not competing in the first place.

But I like to keep my eyes peeled for the special offers other bloggers put out. I enjoy discovering the ways they try to build their readership.

I love studying their lead magnets, reading their novel previews on Amazon, and basically acting like a KGB agent during the Cold War: procuring intel from the shadows and reporting back to the motherland.

Only the ‘motherland’ in this case is me writing the info onto a Google Doc somewhere and forgetting it exists.

2. I love their voice

I used to think that people who constantly write about what they had for lunch, or their dog’s visit to the vet, lacked the performative understanding of the art.

Then I learned I couldn’t be any more wrong. Because my favourite writers can fill up two pages about watching paint dry and I’d still read their work from start to finish.

In fact, there are some writers I read just for their voice and not necessarily their content. Examples would be Terry Pratchett for fiction and David Sedaris for non-fiction.

Sometimes I read to learn, sometimes I read to be entertained. But when I come across people whose voices I enjoy? That’s when I read to be amazed.

3. To know more about my favourite people

Sometimes I come across an interesting blogger, and I can’t help but to want to follow their lives. Like when they submit more short stories per week than I’ve done my entire life, for example. Or when someone’s more obsessive over daily exercise than I am.

Sometimes I just want to live vicariously through others. And being in other people’s shoes—albeit through the screen—can give me a good perspective of my own life.

In short, yes, I’m stalking you.

p.s. If you want to know what it’s like to be an introvert in a schedule full of public events, feel free to stalk my Instagram.

4. To learn something new

In the realm of learning, I typically come across two people: the ones who know something I don’t, and the ones who know something I didn’t know I didn’t know (yes, I meant every word).

I don’t know about you, but I always feel inspired whenever a calligrapher hits the perfect angle with every downstroke. Or when a skilled chef transforms a carrot into cubes the size of salt flakes. Within one minute.

Sure, when I say ‘learn something new’, I’m using the term loosely. Because it’s not as if reading or watching content has improved my knife skills.

But if someone knows how to do something well, you can bet your ass I’m going to follow their every update.

5. I want to respect somebody

I read about Stephen King’s daily routine and I immediately want to write 2,000 words per day. Ditto Haruki Murakami and his daily 10-kilometre runs.

It’s not just the greats who have the power to inspire, though.

It’s also the mother who finds time to write despite caring for two children. It’s the guy who dictates his book during his rush-hour commute. It’s the self-published author who actively creates their own buzz both online and in real life.

The hard truth is that I always want to do better, and the only way I can do that is by looking up to someone better than me. Because let’s face it, we’re not going to follow in the footsteps of someone who’s sloppier than us.

Know what you want so you can recreate the magic

Listing down my likes gives me a certain clarity about what I look for when consuming content. And that, in turn, puts me in a better place to sweep someone else off their feet.

But that’s not the only goal. In fact, that shouldn’t even be your goal. Because self-awareness alone is a great thing to have.

I’d go so far as to say that having self-awareness puts you ahead of 90% of people on Earth. And you don’t have to join my cult to believe that.

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