So I’ve never missed a day of browsing the Reader for at least two years now, and I’ve now profiled every type of blog post with utmost discrimination, much like the TSA.
What I’ve learned is that we all fall into certain categories—archetypes if you will—and today I’m going to share them with you.
But don’t feel offended if you belong in any of these groups, because it’s all just a bit of fun. Besides, if you don’t like it, you’ve already lumped yourself into the party-pooper group, and you wouldn’t want that, right?
The quote collector
You click on these posts thinking that quote from Rumi was going to be the intro paragraph, but then the page opens and that’s it. That’s the entire post. A quote about the wound being where the light enters you.
Sometimes you get a slightly better version with multiple quotes. At least these posts allow you to scroll for a bit. Not that you’d read the entire thing though, right?
But then you also get the people who win this category—the self-quoters. Yup. Self. Quotes. Now that’s on a whole new level of quoting. You laugh now, but they could become the Lao Tzu of 2080.
He who writes every day will someday find some gold among the muck.
— Stuart Danker
The problem with quote posts? It’s that Google does a much better job than WordPress ever will. Go ahead and try searching for ‘Rumi quotes’ now. You’ll get a better overview without even needing to click into any post.
What’s a good way for the quotes person to spice things up? The low-hanging fruit here would be to share what they think about said quotes. Because if a tree falls in WordPress and nobody’s around to hear it, then you might as well stop chopping.
Heh. I did a thing with a quote.
The diarist
A good bulk of WordPress users tend to use the platform to share their personal stories with the world. These are fun to read, since you’ll get to learn about strangers’ lives from all over the world.
The downside? When the diarist records their day too dutifully, without any rhyme nor reason to their posts.
3:04 a.m. Today I pooped blood. Which was much better than pooping rainbows. Yeah, rainbows. I wonder if it’s all the Skittles I ate.
3:30 a.m. I’m tired. I need sleep.
8:40 a.m. I’m sorry I missed a few hours of updates. Hope you guys didn’t miss me too much. Off to poop again.
There are people who can craft a story of their day with a beginning, middle, and end. And then there are those who actually use WordPress as an open diary.
A better alternative for the diarist would be to first admit that they want an audience—which is why they’ve made the blog public in the first place. The next step would be to rearrange the events of their day into something with an arc, preferably with drama.
The salesperson
You’ll recognise this person the moment you land on their blog—that is if the ads and pop-up notifications don’t assault you first.
Every post is a sales pitch in disguise. Articles like The pros and cons of finding an editor end up becoming 500 words of badly-edited self compliments. You could also click on Why everybody should study medicine only to find an affiliate link for disposable gloves on Amazon.
It’s as if they’ve read the book Always Be Closing and are now applying all the learnings on their blog. If their blog was a person, they’d be Jordan Belfort and Joe Girard rolled into one.
What’s a better way to be a salesperson on WordPress? By creating actual free content without trying to sell.
For instance, I know a Malaysian nutritionist who’d actually studied all the store-bought bread’s nutritional values to help people decide which type best fits their dietary goals. I also know editors who share their journey in submitting short stories.
Now that’s much more convincing than linking to your shopping cart with every mention of the word ‘digital marketing’. The readers will always know the difference anyway.
The motivational speaker
“Just choose to be positive and you will be!”
“Gratitude is all you need to cure your depression.”
“You can turn into a car and fly down the freeway.”
Quick disclaimer: I probably fall into this category, so I apologies in advance if I’ve ever sold you on useless platitudes.
But there are also people who take this to the next level, with ‘facts’ pulled out of their ass and blanket statements without any explanation to back them up.
How do I know this? Because according to research, 83% of WordPress posts involve fake data.
That’s why you get advice like “The colour red has been known to increase feelings of love, so wear a red shirt today if you’re feeling unloved!” all over WordPress, or the internet, in general.
What’s the best way for the motivational speakers to improve? By not taking themselves too seriously, and realise that their personal stories have a much better chance of improving someone’s life, compared to rehashing the articles they’ve read on Tony Robbins’s website.
The melodramatic
Life sucks. Everybody hates me. I just can’t catch a break.
This is another category that I’m not too proud of being a part of. The whiners on WordPress refuse to see the positive in anything. Maybe they could take some advice from the motivational speakers.
Interestingly enough, I know where these people are coming from, since my own blog posts used to be nothing but complaints.
But these people need to realise that negativity is a very tiring genre to consume, and while it’s a great way to express themselves, it’s also not the most reader-friendly.
A suggestion for the melodramatic? Turn their pain into poetry. That way, they get to be angsty and still garner an audience. Maybe even slot in a Rumi quote in the process. Win-win.
The spambots
I have no idea why these accounts exist, nor do I know why some of them copy my posts word for word and pass them off as their own.
Browse the ‘writing’ tag and you’d sometimes see various spam sites posting similar articles on ‘how to write dissertation’. These accounts are a mystery to me, much like the people who leave graffiti in public toilet cubicles.
The artists
Here you get everything from photos to knitted sweaters. Sometimes you even get a talent who can marry both illustration and words to create their own genre, and it’s amazing what you can find on WordPress sometimes.
You could stumble across a painting, comic strip, or even a face on the sidewalk. There’s no saying what you’ll come across.
Sadly, unless they’re Allie Brosh, who could disappear for years and still generate a ton of interest with a comic post on a free, non-domain website, most artists are better off posting on a more visual platform with better discovery, like Instagram.
The reviewer
Books, art supplies, Netflix series, you have review blogs for everything these days. I have nothing to say about reviewers and am just listing this category for the sake of covering all my bases.
I give them 5 out of 5 stars.
You
I’ve saved the best for last. You may or may not have been mentioned in the above stereotypes, but I just thought I’d create an entire category for you, the unique yet collective being on WordPress.
You have your own stories to tell, and your life to live, and the fact that you’re here right now reading this just makes you that much more awesome, so thank you.
I guess we better end it here while we’re on a high note. Because like Albert Einstein once said, “You better quit while you’re ahead.”
He didn’t actually say that, but you should know that by now, 83% and all.
I buttered you up in that last paragraph so that you’ll claim your exclusive content in my snazzy newsletter. You’ll also receive a free guide on how to grow your blog, so don’t miss it.
Stuart Danker 
I’d love to hear your thoughts!