Don’t ask me how. Don’t ask me why. I live in a country where masks are mandated, I’m been vaccinated and boosted, and I don’t really go out other than to do the groceries, run, or walk the dog.
But that doesn’t matter. I tested positive once more. Thankfully, the symptoms don’t seem as wild this time—just a terrible sore throat and a cough.
Which means it’s the perfect time to revisit an old post of mine to take stock of what I think this time around.
Do I still think the previous lessons apply?
It’s interesting how my mind goes through the same thoughts as when I was proper sick last time. The first being how easily these inconveniences can derail your plans.
Admittedly, I’m doing a much better job at maintaining my ‘write and exercise every day’ routine, because I’m not curled on the sofa shivering half to death, but I still feel susceptible to using my sickness as an excuse.
Oh, I have two lines on my test kit? Better not write then, even though I feel relatively fine. Scumbag brain.
Secondly, unearned recreation still sucks. I have to admit, the first day I tested positive, I ended up glued to the TV and phone. Thankfully, I got over that real quick.
Not making good use of my day sucks. As a pro procrastinator, that’s something even I find hard to admit. Maybe my mind’s just going meta. Maybe it’s starting to feel bored about being stimulated all the time. That’s some Inception shit right there.
Finally, that part about not comparing myself with anyone else (even myself) still applies. My output has understandably dropped when compared to my healthy days, and that only serves as a reminder that we all have our ups and downs, even without falling sick.
Any new lessons?
Oh, yes. Besides being the master of pulling ‘lessons’ out of my butt, I’ve found that the boredom from isolation does help me write more. And so here are my observations for this round of falling sick.
1. You determine your own meaning
I could very easily succumb to the fatigue that comes with my immune system clocking in to its day job. But that’s just the brain trying to find any excuse it can to give up.
Didn’t get enough sleep? Maybe I should take it easy. Don’t have a keyboard? Guess I can’t write. Family’s here to visit? There goes my healthy-eating schedule.
I find it funny that we can make serious promises to others, yet we don’t do the same for ourselves, towards our life purpose. “Through thick and thin, in sickness and in health…”
Those words convey a meaning that we’ve made up. Can’t we make up our own meaning for our own pursuits, then? I believe we can.
2. Sometimes it’s not about me
I don’t like wearing a mask at home, or going through the trouble of separating our cutlery, using different sinks or sleeping on the couch.
But I could very well infect my partner Len, and she could in turn infect her parents who currently have their own healthy issues, and who knows what’ll happen next?
Sometimes it’s not just about what I want. Sometimes I’m reminded that my job here is to better the lives of those around me.
That could mean forgoing my interest in pens in place of my future child’s education fund, or forgoing the freelance life for a stable income just so I can better take care of my loved ones.
It may not sound sexy, but it beats the sex and drugs lifestyle for sure.
3. We need to be our best company
The only person that’s going to spend your entire life with you is you. So it makes sense to learn to love your own company.
Because there’ll be times when your mind is all you’ll have. And you best be friends with it long before then.
Falling sick (again) has reminded me that I need to constantly foster a good relationship with myself. So that when I’ll need to spend entire days cooped up with that sucker, I’ll at least have someone who enjoys my presence.
4. Busyness isn’t purpose
My day typically consists of me flitting from one task to another. It’s my morning routine, then it’s work, working out, doing the chores, then pursuing my random hobbies like sketching or writing pen-pal letters.
Getting sick has a way of making you rethink your daily activities, because you have to be a lot more selfish with your energy when the supply drops.
A healthy body is a healthy mind, and a healthy mind can do a heck of a lot more than an ailing mind can. But sometimes it takes an ailing mind to highlight which parts of life means the most to you.
Sure, I’d love to be productive and do all the things, but having limited energy has only solidified one of my life’s biggest non-negotiables, and that’s to write.
5. There’s always a silver lining
Always. Can’t find a job? That means I can finally focus on my creative work. Quarantined in the living room? That gives me more time to reorganise the space like I wanted to. Got reinfected with COVID and don’t know when I’ll be well? I get to write another blog post and possibly inspire others.
I’ve learned that it’s not a matter of ‘if’. Life will hand us lemons. So we best have all our lemon-based recipes ready, because lemonade is so 1920s.
And you know what’s cooler? The more you train yourself to see the positives, the easier it becomes. Those are the exact muscles that gratitude journalling helps train too.
A great reminder
I guess the biggest lessons I’ve taken away from this is that I’m never truly in control. I could take all the precautions in the world and still get reinfected.
Similarly, I could strive for something with everything I have and still come up short. And this recent tangle with COVID has taught me that it’s okay.
Because we’re all going to die in the end.
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Stuart Danker 
I’d love to hear your thoughts!