Stuart Danker

We always hear about how important it is to learn from our failures. Or, more importantly, how we should always see failure as a pathway to self-improvement.

But failure here often conjures images of that time you froze up on stage, or when you’d sat for an exam only to realise you’d accidentally left a page blank.

Thing is, catastrophic failure isn’t the only time you learn in life. Your day-to-day snafus work great for growth too. And you don’t need to suffer death by humiliation as part of the process. Doesn’t that sound like a better deal? You bet it does.

So how do you do it? By celebrating your tiny failures.

Why small failures are big for growth

Let’s face it: even the tiny mistakes suck. Like replying ‘you too’ to the cashier who’d told you to enjoy the movie. Or sending an intimate message to an entire WhatsApp group instead of your bae.

You know what, though? These small mistakes will probably teach you more than the big ones do. Let me tell you why.

a. Higher frequency means more chances to grow

We’re not computers, able to calculate every detail down to the letter. We’re human. So when something bad happens, we tend to find one main takeaway and that’ll be that.

But smaller mistakes, though? They happen all the time. Which means you get to learn multiple times a day. Improve on these little things and you’ll be mighty formidable. Like Marco Pierre White said, “Perfection is lots of little things done well.”

b. It turns your default mindset into a positive one

There are always two sides to a problem. You can either see the good side or the bad. And we all tend to default towards one side or another.

Focusing on learning from your mistakes will allow you to see your problems in a new light. Suddenly, bad things aren’t just happening to you—instead, they’ll be part and parcel of your day. Yet another puzzle to solve.

Just like how gratitude can convince you to see the silver lining in the bad things, so too can tiny failures help you appreciate your problems more.

c. It allows you to embrace imperfection

Here’s a spoiler: you will never not make mistakes. But you already know that.

You know what flaws do? They help you accept. Like the fact that you’ll never be free from imperfections. That even though you’re a much better person than you were 10 years ago, you’ll still have much to work on.

This is especially useful if you’re a creative. Because knowing that nothing’s perfect will quell that desire to create ‘the best’. And soon, you’ll be nailing with your ‘good enough’s.

My own flaws

Life is a constant learning journey, and that’s a good thing. Because my days will be so pointless without anything to work on. Here I share my own failures just to give you an idea of how to deal with your own speed bumps.

i. Punctuality

I try to be on time. But sometimes I succumb to the Void Of Tardiness. And every time that happens, it’s mostly caused by the lackadaisical rate at which I get ready. Plus, I always feel like I have more time than I actually do.

So I’ve learned that the best counter to this is to prepare everything I need beforehand. I’ll need my clothes, bag, and keys laid out if I’m to stick to a proper flow. I also aim to be 15 minutes early, because for some magical reason, that’s the only way I’ll arrive on the dot.

ii. Socialising

I’ve met more people this month than the past three years combined (follow my stories on Instagram to watch me suffer).

Naturally, as an introvert, I’m totally out of my depth. So I’ve taken to copying the techniques of the experienced networkers out there.

And paying someone a compliment seems to be a common strategy for breaking the ice.

Thing is, giving compliments relies heavily on the delivery. In fact, everything relies on the delivery. And I’ve learned that the power of a compliment fades significantly if the receiver didn’t hear me the first time.

So I’ve learned to speak louder. With more gusto. So that I won’t have to repeat myself and look like a fool. And this is just one of the thousand other social skills I’m currently honing.

iii. Procrastinating

I’m sure I’m not alone here. Battling procrastination is a daily thing for me. It’s something that I will truly overcome. So my goal is to outsmart the Big P on the daily. Because like a weed, procrastination will root itself deep into my being if not consistently addressed.

I do this by keeping a procrastination log. I’ll observe the biggest chunks of time I spend each day procrastinating. Then I log down all the details: what I should’ve been doing, how I procrastinated, and how I can improve.

As a result, I’ve taken to washing the dishes right after dinner instead of leaving it till I’m done with Netflix. And writing in the morning to wake up instead of mindlessly scrolling Instagram. And performing ritual sacrifices instead of just herding satanic goats.

You know, the writerly stuff.

Tips to help you succeed with failure

Here are some pointers that have helped me leverage the power of learning from my small failures. Hopefully they’ll help you fail better too.

1. Keep a journal

Keeping a journal keeps you mindful of your daily pitfalls. And writing down what happened helps suss out the failure points of your day.

Did you use salt instead of sugar while baking cookies? Bought too many groceries and wasted all that food—yet again? Mistook a face-to-face meeting for a virtual one, and wondered why they didn’t send you a link till the very last minute, then came up with a lame excuse to not look stupid, but just made things worse when they caught you lying?

Not speaking from personal experience.

Anyway, keeping a record will hopefully help you avoid them in the future. Plus, you’ll have a hilarious record of all your embarrassing moments to look back on.

Who knows, maybe one day your journal will become a bestseller and you’ll be the next David Sedaris.

2. Ask yourself the right questions

Listing down your failures is one thing. Asking yourself what you could’ve done better is, well, better. Always take the time to prod yourself on your failures and work out why things happened the way they did.

Could the failures have been avoided? How can you make sure it doesn’t happen again? Is it an important lesson? Why or why not?

The favourite question I like to ask myself comes from Tom Bilyeu: How is this the best thing that’s ever happened to me?

The answer often highlights how I stand to improve. For example: It’s taught me what temptation feels like so I can recognise my binge-drinking cues better.

By asking questions, I get to unearth my psyche little by little. Hopefully towards a more productive future.

3. Be specific

It’s also important to be as specific as possible. Vague statements like ‘I need to do better’ or ‘I messed up’ won’t cut it. You need to get down to the nitty-gritty if you want to make real progress.

For example, instead of ‘write more’, dive deeper into what that means. Does it mean increasing your daily word count? Choosing to write instead of watching TV after dinner? Making a pact with the devil in exchange for literary success?

The more specific you are, the easier it will be to act on your mistakes. After all, ‘eating a salad with lunch every day’ is much more actionable than ‘eat more greens’ (what even is that?).

Fail forward

So to sum everything up, remember that your failures are worth more than your successes. After all, how do you expect to become the ultimatest version of yourself if everything’s hunky dory?

To close, I’m just going to leave this cheesy saying here: “Two people stared out of a jail cell, one saw the bars, the other saw the stars.”

I don’t know if it even relates to the topic at hand, but hey, if it doesn’t, I’ll just chalk it up to another learning experience.

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